|Sisters of the Lamb of God
For an ever greater love
When I was a child my dad would tell us stories about his life in the seminary. I loved to hear
those stories. I knew there wasn’t any way I could become a priest so I thought becoming a
nun was the next best option. I had a friend who was a nun who I enjoyed spending time with &
when I was in first grade my religion teacher was a nun so at seven years old I decided I wanted
to be a nun when I grew up.
My idea of God as a child was that He was this big divine Being I prayed to, learned about &
worshipped on Sunday. I couldn’t grasp the concept that I could have a relationship with Him.
When I was eleven years old I was out on the swing day dreaming when I had a mystical
experience. God revealed His Presence to me & I fell in love with Him. This lasted for two
In 1990 I stopped having this mystical experience with God. I felt like God had abandoned me
even though my faith told me He hadn’t. I thought I did something seriously wrong & God was
mad at me. I was constantly examining my conscious trying to figure out what I did wrong. I
took great comfort in going to Mass three times a week because I knew that even though I may
not feel God’s Presence He was present in the Eucharist.
This empty void was too much for me to bare. However, my favorite form of prayer was
meditation & I would spend much free time on the swing praying. In attempts to escape this
empty feeling I looked for something to fill the emptiness with. I knew drugs weren’t a good
idea so I turned to food. Fortunately I didn’t have any access to the junk food I was craving at the
school I attended.
High school was a big adjustment for me going to a public school after spending ten years a
parochial school. I missed Mass & religion classes. I wasn’t satisfied with the CCD classes
my parents insisted I attend. One semester during open campus lunch when I had final exams
I arranged for someone to take me to Mass without my parents knowing about it. My mother
took me to Mass every day during my Christmas break that year. I had access to the junk food
during my four years in public school & had to deal with the consequences of that habit.
Over the years there were other career possibilities I was looking into, but I always kept the
possibility of becoming a nun in the back of my mind. My thinking was if God wanted me to
become a nun He’d make it happen. My dad said I needed to do some of the work to make it
happen & I pointed out that my mother wouldn’t let me start visiting religious orders until I was
twenty five years old. During my years in college I got information on several religious orders.
When I turned twenty five I visited a monastic religious order in Missouri.
I really enjoyed my visit there & hoped I could return in five years, but the superior general said
with my slight disability I wouldn’t be able to adapt to community life. I was devastated. The
next religious order I visited was in San Antonio, TX. This was an apostolic order & I was happy
to experience this order so I could compare the two life styles of religious life. They wouldn’t
accept me because I wasn’t independent enough.
I was about ready to give up the idea of becoming a religious. I went to a vocation retreat & the
priest presenting it encouraged me not to give up. I was twenty eight years old & I felt like my
time was running out. I told a nun friend about my frustrations & she said she had a nun friend
who was good with the internet. This person found the Sisters of The Lamb of God on the
internet, sent it to my friend who gave it to my mother who sent it to me.
I was thrilled with the information & didn’t waste any time contacting the vocation directress &
spent two weeks with them visiting this order. I lived with the order for six months then two to
three months came back to start my postulancy & have been with the community ever since.
Every step of the way has been worth it.